Without You

Caught Rachael Yamagata at her concert in Singapore...

I found that record you'd been looking for yesterday
The one I'd been searching for forever
I played that record all night,you were right
The last song said it all
Even though it skipped a bit,it sounded better
I never,I never,I never knew
The only way to listen to a record like that
Is to play it through
But all of this means nothing
Yeah,all of this means nothing
All of this means nothing
Without you
I packed up the car and started to drive
Without a plan,with no direction
You said it'd be good for me
To break out of my daily routine
You were always trying to teach some lesson
You wanted,you wanted,you wanted me
To feel the open road with the wind on my face
Well,I'm here and I'm finally free
But all of this means nothing
Yeah,all of this means nothing
All of this means nothing
Without you
You and I were partners in crime
Petty thieves in a line up
But somehow we wound up here
I'm looking at a letter that I wrote to you long ago
I wouldn't even know now where to send it
It's funny how it all poured out on paper
If only I had found a way to tell you
If only,if only,if only you
Had found a way to love me for who I am
The way that I loved you
But all of this means nothing
Yeah,all of this means nothing
All of this means nothing
Without,without,without,without you

catmaSutra cat art ~ Bandit Love




In a single day (and in essence in a single moment as that is what it takes to change direction), I can veer into my own ideas of progress or degeneration, from inspiration to frustration, from a good to a bad day or vice-versa. Such is the way our expectations work. We feel as if things have to go a certain way for it to work, and that time is continuous - that it flows from the past, through the present, and into the future. But time is not continuous - it consists of moments that appear and disappear at superspeed. Because we are unable to fathom this, we feel a gap and hence a separation from time based on the hands of a ticking clock. We feel that life is completely separated from the rest of the universe. We try and make time meaningful for ourselves and expect outcomes instead of living it fully and completely. In truth, every moment is separate and it disappears, constantly cutting off our lives.  This is Mujo, the essence of impermanence. In this sense, nothing lasts. As soon as there is relief, there appears another need that requires satisfaction.

Yet at the core of time, there is no gap between our mind and time. We exist as part of time and move  together with the universe and all beings in time that is connected with it. When we are still, there is no layering of concept or idea, we can learn to touch the core of our own life without the labels, the ideas or expectations; we can be present in the real stream of time and looking directly at life itself. And then we'll surface again as the next moment carries us away with its promises, concepts, expectations and all their darker counterparts. These two aspects - one that separates us from time, and the other which connects us - constitutes the original nature of time. If we can understand how impermanence works in our life, we can use time to cultivate a way of life beyond the hands of the ticking clock. :)